IF YOU ARE STANDING ON A PEDESTAL THERE IS ONLY ROOM FOR ONE on friendships and anxiety

Today our lives are littered by quicksand pits along the paths to happiness and fulfillment. It has gone beyond just an occasional occurrence to a potential pitfall before us every step we take.
Why is it that some people seem to have pit after pit of quicksand in their lives and others do not?

One of the root causes of the rampant unhappiness we see today are found in the list below
• Self-pity
• Self-absorbed
• Self-centered
And yes, even the obsession of Selfies!

People take their eyes off helping others and see only themselves.

Let’s clarify with just a few examples:
Self-pity, many have had it rough including trauma abuse, and they blame their unhappiness on things in their past that were beyond their control. Many in self-pity also have abandonment issues and are fueled by offense. Many feel they have a right to feel sorry for themselves. (Antonyms  for self-pity – happiness, joyfulness)

Self-absorbed, in their appearance, their problems, their “lack” of belongings, their status. They have expectations of how others should react to them. Antonyms – generous, self-giving, greathearted

Self-centered, I want what I want, and I want it now. Their unhappiness is controlled by a lack of what they feel they deserve. They expected a better home, more vacations, to retain their youthfulness… This group often says I deserve to be happy and have fun and blame others for their lack of unhappiness. Antonyms – giving, unselfish, charitable

Selfie obsessions scream here I am – look at me! Their value in life is whittled down to a photo. Always comparing themselves with others. Falling in the trap that because others do it is ok and thus desirable.

All of these are only fronts of a problem that could also be labeled idolatry. The worship of a lifestyle, an appearance, a status, just beyond reach. A deception placed in our society by evil to control you and keep true peace and joy at arm’s length.Often keeping you at the edge of emotional quicksand that can leave you unhappy, unfulfilled, friendless, and alone!

Taken from Seeking Peace & Joy on FB a Feb 20th posting used with permission – Emotional quicksand…are you a victim?

So why mention this? What is the connection to anxiety?

We can all identify with those people who seem to idolize themselves and place themselves on a pedestal.  Most of us dislike that kind of person and shake our heads in wonder at why some think they are so great. When we look at this person, we think we have all the answers to their identity one of privilege. self-loving, often arrogant, and prideful.  Could their pedestal just be a cry for help? Look at me!   They brag of their accomplishments; they flaunt new items they acquire. They put others down so they can feel superior.  Just an attempt to gain friendships or to overcome a torrid past…?

Many with anxiety disorder, depression also place themselves on a pedestal.  A pedestal of sadness, hopelessness and constant comparisons of those in the same boat.  A pedestal that is often used as a soap box for the same – Look at me cry!  This groups chant is that of – my meds do not work I am still with depression, anxiety and panic. This group often keeps their past alive… they hold on to that which they say they do not want, and therefore keep fueling the fire and hence they remain where they are. This group shares not their accomplishments but all their symptoms…

Neither of these platforms work in gaining true friendships. Yet many who stand on either often feel friendless. WHY?

If you are standing on a pedestal there is only room for 1

To find true friendships those with genuine caring and concern, the pedestals that we stand on must be dismantled.

Everyone in todays social media frenzy think badly of them selves because they do not have enough friends.  Why is that that we think we must have “many friends”?  Back in the day of Little house on the Prairie  people lived far from others, isolated, no computers, no phone. Seldom did they even have many possessions…  yet they were happy!

Many become friends if there is something in the relationship that they benefit form and when push comes to shove, they move on at an alarming rate.  So many have become TAKERS not GIVERS.

Most of the content people I know do not have a long list of friends that would drop everything for you. Only one or two.  The happiest people do not define themselves by those around them. Their value lies in who they are, how they behave, and live life!

To have a friend is to be one. That means you must take your eyes off yourself, and your problems. You must become the type of friend you desire and not keep even one foot on the pedestal of negativity and being alone!     

Throughout these blog posts we keep repeating

  • Negative thoughts – be it friendships, what you speak, who you hang with… only fuel the fire for continued panic, anxiety, depression, AND loneliness.
  • Speak of that which you desire not that where you are and want to change
  • You must change CHANGE THE WAY YOU THINK You must change your mindset that is fill in the old ruts, so you do not keep following the paths that lead to the same conclusion.

VISIT   Seeking Peace & Joy   on FB to read more on the spiritual side of this topic the post on Feb 20.