Not so many years before and yet almost now a memory, I was a different person. For 50 some years my overactive brain searched for answers to EVERTHING. I would speculate every outcome for almost every scenario that could ever possibly happen. And yet, most of my “solutions” would washout to sea with the consistency of the tide. But I would have been prepared if any of them came to fruition.
My mind just had to come to conclusions about everyday activities real or imagined. Never did I wear a label of anxiety but that of being perceptive, an overachiever, and possibly the energizer bunny. I always looked at things with a positive perspective. Now for those who are plagued with the same overthinking but with a negative twist – therein falls a major cause of anxiety.
This overactive “thing” was a mindset that would keep me awake, always on alert. It presented itself as being insightful but gave me a sense of unfulfillment because the solutions I would conjure up would just stockpile in my head …just incase someday they may be useful.
So, what happened that made my overthinking cease in an instant?
For most of my life I thought there was something more, some other purpose that I was to fulfill. We shall skip over many years (that were full of amazing tales and unusual circumstances) and jump to my Great Transformation!
I had always believed in God but as most had not sought a relationship with Him. This is the story of one of the miracles in my life, that lead me to where I am today. Even as a child I had a spot in my heart to help those alone and struggling. My belief is that He had this plan all along. My experiences good and bad along with a positive attitude and His guidance directed me to my true purpose. An encourager, a teacher, with my pen and His words reaching out to help others find peace and joy in their life.
Several houses ago, (my moves being my timeline) if you looked at me you would see success, happiness, drive, and ambition. However, behind the smiling mask was a lurking smoldering fire ready to burst into flames. Not with despair but an engulfing longing for answers…
Good Job, beautiful home, great yard, all done with a driven personality because in truth there was an emptiness. Married, yes but we were not walking on the same side of the street. Never mind that often we were not even walking in the same town.
There was an expanding gap between us. Having met only several years prior I thought that he could be the one by the way he talked about God. He firmly stated that he despised the way I had been treated in previous relationships. I had been lied to and told my only purpose was like that of a maid, emotionally used and abused, and then tossed out like ashes from a fire that had gone cold. He said a woman should not be treated that way.
Recently I had begun a Bible study in my home with the hopes that he, would attend. But he usually had other plans saying he just needed down time. I so wanted to be a Biblical wife and place God at the center of my marriage.
We were studying about needing a relationship with God, just not knowing Him. I had started to press in, to talk to God my Father
My entire life can be summed up in an article I Penned – So what is no one remembers your birthday. My overachieving and obsession with success started way back then. Because I never wanted anyone to see me cry.
I had become a master at networking and seeking those in need having been there myself. My goal, to lift others up. There is the saying that your mind goes a mile a minute but that was not even close to the exorbitant speeds my mind could travel! I was so tired of it. All the answers swirling around in my head were not getting me anywhere. I felt so alone.
One night, 3 houses ago, unable to sleep once again, with tears building up inside I went downstairs on a cold evening to sit in front of the fire. I mustered a cry out to God. The tears started to stream, and I sobbed as I prayed. Many years of tears pent up waiting to be shed.
That night cowered in front of the fire staring through the flames. Asking for forgiveness, knowledge and direction, with rivers of flowing water rolling off my face.
My whole body ached as I yielded to His will. I needed to know that he heard my prayer. I had never before been so intimate with God.
AND THEN IT HAPPENED!
Suddenly, wonderfully, almost magically, my mind stood still! It was empty no thoughts no worries no concerns, and I was filled with a level of peace and joy never experienced!
Straightening up and yet afraid to move. There was no way I wanted that moment to leave. And so, my mind my tendency for overcrowding, overthinking, racing thoughts came to an end. I had never experienced before that glorious emptiness from racing thoughts. In fact, for a while a I sat there amazed my mind completely blank and welcomed the peace.
I thanked and praised God and felt no fatigue through the sun was rising.
I asked He answered, and my life was changed!
But this was only the beginning!
The story does continue so please let me know if you want to hear about how this led me to write this Blog and how my purpose is evolving even yet.
If you would like to experience the same kind of peace I now have – visit the website – Seeking Peace and Joy.com and check out their social links FB pages. Message them with any questions you may have